The Thoughts of Leaving People and Things of God Behind
Recently, I have stronger thoughts and feelings of inadequacies/tiredness, and many times the recurring thought of "escaping" - imagining leaving everything behind - keeps coming back. I keep comparing myself to others, to the ideal kind of person in church, and know that I fell terribly short of it. I evaluated the conditions of areas I am involved, and one word that can perhaps describe them is "sad". These thoughts aren't new, but can I ever get rid of them?
Then I thought if I am saved, I should want to go to church and serve God. And if I leave or not do something, it should be because of God calling me to leave it, but it should never for "others". Why should I let the expectations of others, the hurts and disappointments they directly or indirectly caused me to have, dictate my decisions?
2 Corinthians 10:12 "We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise."
The church is for the sick, not only for the righteous, the successful (Luke 5:32). I am hurt, I am disappointed, I am tired, and I know I need God more. I need not do what others want/expect me to do. I know God only want me to do what is right, but that's after I am right with Him.
So I may have chosen to be "lazier" in things of God, by not leading properly and by not serving in areas I should, cos I really think I am not ready to do the things I am uncomfortable with. At first, I am guilt-striken. This is not right! But maybe God is not pleased or is it just the way I see Him? But I know it pleases Him more when I do only when I am ready and because I want to. And God will prepare me, in His timing. I know I will be strong again, because God is faithful in my life-always. Till then, I will continue my routine faithfulness - tiresome at times, while seeking the breakthoughs in my mindset, my heart, my perspectives, my spiritual life. Let God be God in my life.
Then I thought if I am saved, I should want to go to church and serve God. And if I leave or not do something, it should be because of God calling me to leave it, but it should never for "others". Why should I let the expectations of others, the hurts and disappointments they directly or indirectly caused me to have, dictate my decisions?
2 Corinthians 10:12 "We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise."
The church is for the sick, not only for the righteous, the successful (Luke 5:32). I am hurt, I am disappointed, I am tired, and I know I need God more. I need not do what others want/expect me to do. I know God only want me to do what is right, but that's after I am right with Him.
So I may have chosen to be "lazier" in things of God, by not leading properly and by not serving in areas I should, cos I really think I am not ready to do the things I am uncomfortable with. At first, I am guilt-striken. This is not right! But maybe God is not pleased or is it just the way I see Him? But I know it pleases Him more when I do only when I am ready and because I want to. And God will prepare me, in His timing. I know I will be strong again, because God is faithful in my life-always. Till then, I will continue my routine faithfulness - tiresome at times, while seeking the breakthoughs in my mindset, my heart, my perspectives, my spiritual life. Let God be God in my life.
